Saturday, September 18, 2010

A Married Man's Saturday

He's relieved to have the week over, but he is suddenly awakened by the dog who needs to go outside to do its business. Will "Cupcake" get up and handle this minor annoyance? Hell, no she won't. So, Mr Husband gets out of bed to take Cupcake's dog out for the morning bathroom break. 

Of course it has been raining so Mr. Husband will have to bring a towel to clean Rover's feet before he comes back into the house. In the meantime, Cupcake has risen and sees the trash hasn't been taken out. As Rover comes in, Mr. Husband is given a large bag of trash way overfull with old food and garbage. It is so overloaded he has to hold it like a giant garbage pail and haul it around to the side of the house.

Oh my! Cupcake has already overloaded the trash, so much so that the lid won't close. This means the trashmen won't take it. Damn! So, Mr. Husband has to leave the trash unattended while he enters the garage through the house to get another trashcan and something to tie up the overstuffed bag. When the chore is finally complete, Mr. Husband has spent about 20 minutes in the cold wet yard.

Coming in, he has to make his own coffee, his own breakfast, and cannot even read the news online because Cupcake is downloading hip-hop albums. He cannot watch television because Cupcake is watching a television series about the Kardashian family. It is all female, all the time. 

Finally, he resigns himself to taking a shower and getting on with the day. Freshly dressed and ready to go, Cupcake jumps in the car with him. He was running to Home Depot, but now there are several ladies shops to visit because Cupcake has COUPONS!!  So, it's off to Chico's and Macy's and a quick stop at the fabric store to get accessories for the jacket she is sewing buttons on. 

Mr. Husband's 20 minute trip turns into about 3 hours, most of it spent silently waiting for Cupcake to finish shopping. Still, it's time for lunch and the couple is out and about. How about eating out?  There is a great place for wings and beer, but Cupcake wants to go to La Madeline where she can get an egg and sprouts sandwich.  Oh well, he suffers through this.

At least Mr. Husband has the football game that starts at 2:00pm.  He gets home, starting to feel happy for the first time that day. Suddenly, the doorbell announces the arrival of Cupcake's sister and her three children. They want to watch Shrek, so the big TV is out of the question. Mr. Husband goes off to the bedroom to watch the game. After about ten minutes, Cupcake comes to announce that she and her sister are going out for a while. Could Mr. Husband watch Shrek with the kids instead?

Finally at about six in the evening, Cupcake comes home and the sister leaves with the kids. Cupcake orders a pizza and Mr. Husband gets to have two slices. Gee, what a great Saturday.  

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