What Happened to All the Nice Guys?

When you are young, you naturally fall into a mindset that you will find someone special to be with. You'll be in a relationship with a great girl and do the falling-in-love thing.  You may eventually get married and have children or at least have a good long time together.

You can forget all that. 

I spoke to an older couple who have a son going to Vanderbilt University. They warned their son to be careful with girls and always wear condoms. Still, his experience was typical, having sex with lots of girls and the girls he had sex with had sex with lots of other boys too.  It's all a lot of fun until the fallout comes. Boys and men are able to have sex without any kind of emotional attachment, but girls are physically different.  They get attached - and very quickly.

Look at the hardness of women these days. They've had their female liberation and have sex with a variety of men, and even sometimes experiment having sex with women.  I've been out at restaurants having dinner and the waitress is very attractive, her body fit and youthful, but her face is hard and uncertain.  I've seen this face before back when I worked for the government.  During investigations we would often interview prostitutes or people from the street who hustled to get money.  That same face; the face of being emotionally connected to hundreds of strangers. 

These girls can't belong to single man, they belong to the dating scene, or to a group of rapidly changing promiscuous men.  They feel connection with one good man is too controlling, but they feel men only want them for sex - because they only allow pursuit from men who want sex.

This is all fine if you are interested in simply finding sex partners now and then.  If you are living a solitary life, it doesn't matter to you if women are sleeping around more than ever.  However, if you want a special girl all to yourself, well...  it probably won't happen.  You are living in the wrong decade, or the wrong century.

Guys love the sexual promiscuity of women these days, especially when they are dating. Every guy would like to have a bunch of women before settling down, then maybe a few clean safe affairs after marriage.  Still, if everyone is fucking everyone, the bond that is created by exclusive sex isn't nearly as powerful as it once was.  Women fuck the guys that they find exciting when they are young. When they are old, they fuck men who will pay their bills. Sex has turned into a commodity.  What hasn't changed is the need for an emotional bond.

As someone over 40, I cannot tell you how insulting it is to be approached by woman after woman who have nothing to offer. They've given all the best passion of their lives to men who don't even remember them.  The most special physical intimacy is lost in a sea of one-night stands and bar hookups.  

They still want the emotional relationship.  

So many realize they have missed out on that successful, easy-going guy who would have been an ideal husband.  When they find a guy like this, they go in for the kill.  I've had many of these formerly-promiscuous fat women chase me to the point of stalking. They call and call, email, leave messages, do texts, write letters, anything to get a response from me.  They tell me they are exactly what I am looking for, someone to love and take care of.  I know exactly what is going on, they want the emotional relationship.  They've given their youth and passion to guys who never would care for them, so now it's time to find a sucker to pay their bills and serve their emotional needs.  

I have women in my family and thankfully, they aren't like most women. Most are very conservative and in long-term relationships.  I don't hate women, but when I am dating, I only seek out women who share my values and have shared my values for most of their lives.  

Ever hear of a Death Bed Conversion?

A Death Bed Conversion is when a dying person decides to change his or her ways at the last minute to win forgiveness from friends and family, and to make peace with God at the last possible second.  Death Bed Conversions are intentionally dishonest.  They reveal the true character of a person in the inherent deception of the act.  It isn't a genuine conversion, it's a last minute thing, to try to win rewards that aren't deserved.  

This is what is happening with a lot of women over the age of 30 or 35.  They are ignoring men who would be good partners in search of exciting sex partners or fast-paced careers that leave no time for children or family. Suddenly, when their sexual attractiveness is gone and they are emotionally scarred from too many short-term hookups, they suddenly REFORM.

This REFORM is a complete death-bed-conversion. They aren't serious about changing their ways or rethinking their values, it's simply a time to adopt a new strategy.  They are too old now to continue doing hookups, yet too old to attract a good man who wants a family.  Many of them have grown fat as a result of poor diet and hormone-based birth control.  Others have children from different men, and have long since lost their looks and are desperately lonely because they made poor choices of partners. 

In short, the jerks and players got all the girls and the decent guys got the shaft.  Decent guys still need sex, so they can have short term girlfriends or do one-night stands, but they want to marry less and less.  I'm seeing more and more guys opting to live singly instead of marrying one of these fixer-upper girls.  Women who feel ripped off by liars and players want the good men to pay the bills for the bad guys. 

But what does this mean for a guy who doesn't care about all this?  What does it mean for a guy who accepts that women are much more slutty these days, and doesn't really care?  If you can forgive all that and get into a relationship with a woman who promises she is reformed, you have to realize it won't be as good as it could be.

No matter what people tell you, knowing your woman has been a slut is a huge turnoff for a man, even if she has reformed herself and is no longer a ho.  It will always be in her mind that what she gives you out of duty or reward, she gave to lots of other men for free.  The most special connection she can offer, she handed out to guys who only saw her as recreation.  Knowing this about her will be in your mind, it will change your perception of her.  When you are being honest with yourself, you'll know that nobody really wants this girl, and she isn't special, and that she's just using you because the men she really wants will not give her the emotional relationship she wants and needs.  

You are being used.  That's the way it is when everyone is fucking everyone.  The specialness goes away, and women choose the wrong men until they are too old to care anymore, then the "nice guys" finally get their turn.  The women love being wanted and having a good emotional relationship late in life, but when they think of sex, they aren't thinking of you - they are remembering that great guy they picked up in a bar who was sweet until he fucked and ran.  They are thinking of that hot shot who banged them on their office desk then broke off the relationship.

It's sad, and it's one of the main reasons men and women don't have those long-lasting traditional relationships anymore.  Men don't trust women to be anything but parasites, and women tend to be hooked on the bad boys until they are no longer desirable.  

There are women who aren't like this. I married a traditional woman who was a virgin when we met. The emotional and physical intimacy was much stronger than it has been with women since my divorce. I wonder how many men didn't have this experience.

Most men end up marrying a woman who has had sex with at least 3-5 other men, so they approach sexuality with a "been there - done that" attitude.  It's pretty sad some of the young men who get married and realize their new brides have already done every type of sexual thing in the book and are now ready to leave  all that fun stuff in the past and just have babies and get fat. 

There are those who say all this is part of feminism, but I think it is more a reflection of a lack of morality and tradition. People don't have boundaries anymore.  Our "sisters" are not constellating themselves and becoming the ideal partners they could be. They are still enjoying the freedom and sexual adventures, and our birthrates are down, men are falling behind economically, and there is far less trust and decency between the sexes.  

What happened to all the nice guys? Well, they don't get laid, and they aren't appreciated, so they've gone away.  The ones who remain are in their mother's basements playing Halo.  It's a time for Alpha Males and women who use sex for recreation.  Until Western Culture is almost devastated demographically, there will be no change.  In the meantime, its a better idea to simply have fun and not take women too seriously.  And why should you?  They don't take you seriously at all.